Appearing as a “guest” on podcasts used to make me feel really sick – Id have a great time recording but then as the release date of the episode approached, Id have a sick feeling in my stomach, regretting that Id put myself in a vulnerable position to be judged, critiqued, made fun of.
My flavour of self doubt sounds a little like “who the fuck do you think you are? You arent really that interesting you know & you sound a lot dumber than you realise”
BUT here is the thing.
What I learned was the anxiety about sounding stupid evaporated when inevitably I would have women reaching out to me and thanking me for the vulnerability in whatever I had shared on the podcast they had come across. Ive made deep connections with women because I was willing to activate my voice and confidently speak my truth – giving others permission to start a conversation with me in which they felt safe to activate what they might have been repressing.
I felt really good about that.
What I noticed, was that I was relying on validation and affirmation from others to make me feel safe and secure within myself. I only felt worthy of speaking my truth when someone told me that what I had said had been heard, understood & appreciated.
Everything is an opportunity for our healing, right?
I think it is.
I had to work out how I could make myself feel safe, secure and worthy of having my own unique thoughts, perspectives and beliefs DESPITE what anyone else might think or say. In doing the inner work around this, SO MUCH came up within me. Ive been able to uncover the ways I had been gaslighted as a child, how codependent most of my romantic relationships had been & I have been able to rewrite the programming within me that would fill me with INSTANT REGRET anytime I had activate my voice and shared my truth (in a way that was raw, unfiltered and unedited)
The answer ?
Compassion and kindness.
AND fully acknowledging that I give myself permission to grow and evolve and change DAILY.
Nothing about who I am is fixed.
So – that means whatever I share on any given day is nothing more than a reflection of what I was experiencing in THAT MOMENT. Today – I have been featured on an episode of the FINALLY FOUND podcast & when I woke up to the notification that my episode had gone live – pushed out to her thousands of followers, I noticed that I didnt react.
My body didnt react.
My mind didnt race.
I have internalised the belief that I am safe to speak my truth.
…Im sharing this because I want you to know that I have only been able to get to this place BECAUSE I spoke my truth even when I felt my voice wobble, even when my own self doubt was calling me stupid for it, even when it felt like it would be much easier to just hide and let someone else step up and into the opportunities presented.
Our growth is guaranteed – but ONLY IF we do the things that give us the experiences that are needed for our own healing. AND as we grow…it feels REALLY HARD.
So, beautiful friend – what is it that you are growing through that feels REALLY HARD at the moment that you could acknowledge yourself for?
Have compassion and kindness for what you are moving through and tell yourself what a great job you are actually doing.
HERE is that episode ( I haven’t listened to it!!!! If you do, Id love to know what you hear in it for yourself!)