Are you lost in your life? How are things going? What comes next for you?
Today Im going to start a conversation with you that is likely to surprise you.
As a person I am confusing and often complex. I love that about myself. I am not fixed to any form of identity that holds be back from being able to be fully expressed in the moment I am in.
What does that mean? Well I show up in my power. I say whats on my mind without worrying about how its going to be received or perceived.
Today Im going to start a conversation with you that is likely to challenge your way of thinking – its certainly different to mainstream messaging and so without trying to justify why I want to share this with you today… Im just going to jump right in.
After years of self betrayal, ignoring my intuition and believing other people’s lies instead of listening to my own truth, I pay close attention to my body.
When I am irritated – I don’t try and distract myself or avoid whats going on..I lean in. I listen. I look for the lesson.
Ive noticed that I have been irritated by one particular question that casually gets slung around in day to day conversation …
Here it is ..
People always want to know what we are doing and what we have planned for the future..whats next?
What if there doesn’t have to be a next?
What if what you are doing right now is really working for you and you have things that fulfil you and make you happy and you have love in your life and its all working and its just great…so you do more of the same.
Did you know that’s a possibility?
I guarantee someone you speak to today will ask you “so whats new?”
Or if you bump into someone and ask them “how are you?” they will say “yeah getting there”
A mentor of mine brought this to my attention recently and I laughed because its so true – he said “when you ask people how they are going – they are constantly saying, yeah yeah, Im getting there… and you have to wonder..where is it that they are going?”
Where is it that everyone is trying to go? Everyones always getting there, but where is it they are trying to get to? We can only ever be one place – here, now.
Test it for yourself – take notice when you ask people how they are that its likely they will say “yeah good, getting there” even though they don’t really know where it is they are going, they just know they are spending their days chipping away to get to somewhere else.
What if there doesn’t have to be a next?
Ive discovered that there didn’t have to be for me.
For most of my life there was – a desire to relentlessly work on what was coming next, study, work, save, invest, build a business, scale, sell it, go again, go again.. nothing wrong with that, if its done right.
Ive noticed now, people have started asking me what Im going to do now that my son is a toddler – now that he has a little independence and I suppose that suggests I have more time to myself. Im constantly asked what comes next, what Im going to take on. Im also 3 years away from being mortgage free – Im asked whether Ill move to a house that’s even bigger than the beautiful double storey home we are already in.
What if there is no next? What if exactly what I have now is exactly what I want.
I love the work I do, I love my lifestyle, my home is safe and secure, I save enough, I buy enough to enjoy a good life – why would I change anything about what Im doing.
It doesn’t need to be – this is doing good so Ive got to do more. Could it not be – this is going good so Im going to celebrate the fuck out of this, be grateful beyond words and just do this while there is life left in me to do it.
This conversation is designed to disrupt you. Im here to challenge your thinking if I may.
There is nothing wrong with a strategic next – but make sure it’s a calling from the base of your being and not just a default, things are ok but they will be better when..addiction.
Going ok, it will be better when – is referred to as destination addiction. The belief that things will be better when… or if you had more…
My life is pretty simple – I break it down easily. Extraordinary relationship with my husband and son, money in the bank, safe in our home, fulfilled by my work and love my clients – whats next? More of the same …
That doesn’t mean Im not open to possibilities and that I wont decide to change – god knows Im no stranger to turning my whole world upside down, shaking it, and starting all over again. Im just fully acknowledging for myself that I am anchoring into the present moment, Im doing my best and its really bloody good.
Its not just ok where I am – and better over there…
Im actually acknowledging for myself that my life and my way of being is really working for me and I love it.
I believe the blue print of getting there and next is flawed. It makes us less effective where we are. When we are always future focused we are never full present to the moment we are in, always subconsociously waiting or holding some part of ourselves back for the day that we finally get there…when our life really begins.. when we are finally given the permission to say my life is exactly as I want it…
Today tomorrow does not exist.
What are you putting off? What are you assuming youll have time for? What are you not allowing yourself to receive or experience today?
The same mentor that prompted me to share this with you today also has a mantra that I like to take on for myself when I find myself getting caught up in anxiety about things in the future – it goes like this :
The better we are where we are – the better our life will be.
When I live through that filter, taking on that way of being – my life continues to get better and better because I continue to show up being fully expressed, with all that I can be in the moment I am in.
Right now I am here – connecting with you, giving you all my energy.
Im right here living in the now, Im not living for whats next. Im here communicating with you – giving you all of me in this moment.
But heres the thing – because Im living for now..next becomes better.
Do you see that? The next time I see you we can have a powerful conversation off the back of this one! Cant you see it?
I don’t know what next is – I just know Im aware, awake, strategic, planned, open to opportunities to come..but im not waiting for anything to happen in anyway for life to be good. Life is great now. And so because its great now – I take action now.
I have no idea who I will be or what I will be doing ten years from now and omg that is so amazing.
I had it all mapped out within an inch of its life in my twenties and it all blew up in my face. So much attachment to what I had visualised for myself caused me so much pain and distracted me for so long from what was available to me.
Im not attached to any fixed time line for anything now. Im fluid and flexible for the way life will unfold for me. Im process focused. Committed to values and disciplines that best support my true nature and whats at the base of my being and I live in alignment with that… and I do my best in every moment Im in.
So what happens next for me? I don’t know.
The next thing comes from being the best in the moment now.
Wayne Dwyer famously said “Now is the working unit of our lives”
Future focused is being obsessed with something that doesn’t exist right now.
So let life flow through you – let it play out. Don’t try and control it. You suffocate it when you do that. Let it play out for you – be all that you are right here and now in this moment and its likely that what comes next will in fact be better.
Flow not force.
I flow with life now. I don’t force it like I did in my twenties- omg that was so exhausting and miserable and depleting. I had my Mercedes. I was flying around the world taking all the happy snaps to make myself look like the success I suppose I was.. but fuck I wasn’t even really there for it..I was always working on what would come next.
Im open to opportunities and when I feel them I progress in those directions.
Im not defined by who I am today. I am not defined by business owner, coach, speaker, wife, mother ..I am a human in there here and now which gives me the freedom and flexibility to flow with life.
This gives me the confidence to flow with change as it comes – not to be stuck in a headlock of identity or an idea of the way things should be.
If 2020 taught us anything it was that fluidity and the ability to pivot fast is absolutely essential to long term, sustainable success. No one starts out with a master plan on day one.
Ive had the opportunity to work very closely will people that have built big businesses. None of them had a master plan for what they were going to build. They did one thing it went well and they expanded from there.
I see business coaches online now trying to sell blueprints and masterplans to scale your business instantly. What a load of shit. The people that have built incredible things all started with passion. Not a master plan. They didn’t have every little thing figured out when thry got started – and in most cases, how it started is nothing like what it ended up being.
Steve jobs in a garage. He didn’t have a master plan in a garage. He freakin loved computers and was passionate and had a vision. But im sure he wasn’t thinking about an IPO in his garage.
My husband became a two time world champion kickboxer. He sure as hell didn’t have a master plan to fight buakaw in paris when he was fighting as an amateur – he just kept taking the next fight, learning, adjusting, and continued .. his professional career unfolded because he focused on being the best he could each time he entered the ring. He wasn’t thinking about his name in lights on day one. That would have been intimdating as fuck.
So just be careful what you are listening to.
You don’t need to have a master plan for everything. You don’t have to have it all mapped out.
If you are loving life, doing what you are doing, stress free, just anchor into that – because when we are living completely present in the moment we are in – we are fully expressed, we are able to offer the best of ourselves, and things come out of that.
You don’t have to force what was meant for you.
You just have to get out of your own way.
I cannot wait to see you in the gym – use your sessions as a way to really work on being present and focused on what you are doing. Every time you feel yourself drift away, come back to the moment, come back to the session and give all of yourself to the moment you are in. You’ll see how much more effective you become in front of a boxing bag !